In the recent months when someone first learns that I am a Police Officer, one of their first questions is typically how I am handling my job in the current political climate. I mean, it's kind of a deep question for someone I just met, kind of like asking me what the worst case I have seen is (which is super insensitive if you think about it) so typically I respond by brushing it off. I tell them I ignore a lot of the climate and haters, and just do my job. Simple as that, I just tell them I keep trucking on through the mud for the paycheck, however, in all honesty, that is not what I do.
The current climate is not something easily ignored. It is difficult as a human being to be lumped into a label that you cannot relate to at all. It is tormenting for someone to roll down their window and yell "FTP", when little do they know, you just attempted and failed to resuscitate a young girl who committed suicide. Its hard to go to riots, knowing you will have things thrown at you, and be called terrible names. It is hard to know your friends, who are your family, may get hurt. Its hard to know that you might get hurt, and that your wife might be getting a call that she constantly is terrified of getting. It is hard to have all of those thoughts in your brain, and then be told by a stranger walking by you at that riot, that the world would be better off if I was dead.
The truth is, the majority of Officers in Law Enforcement, including myself, have varying levels of some type of PTSD, depression, and anxiety. It is difficult not to after you see the worst of the world and the saddest days of peoples lives. Those memories, the lifeless bodies, the gun shots, the battered wives, the blood/body parts smeared on the road, the fear.... It never goes away, no matter how much therapy you do, it is always a part of you. So seeing these things, dealing with these things, then coming home to your family and trying to not let it affect them or your relationship, its nearly impossible. It takes a lot of effort and concentration, which is exhausting on top of everything else.
So to be an Officer in this political climate is honestly pretty shitty to be frank.
Today, I realized how I get through my shift though, and it was through a dark little girl who couldn't have been any older than my own daughter. The little girl who was walking home from school and lit up when she saw my police vehicle. The little girl who was not scared of me, but jumped in excitement, and waved ecstatically at me trying to get my attention.
I realized that I get through this with my family, who loves me endlessly. Through my incredible therapist who responds whenever I text her or have a bad night. Through the rough looking teenager who rolled down her window at the stop light, and instead of giving me the finger, said "thank you for your service Officer". Through the knowledge that although the climate surrounding my career is scary and unknown at the moment, I am doing my job for the right reasons, and I do it with empathy when needed. I feel things immensely on different calls, and I am not embarrassed of that. In a profession filled with macho, I am proud to be the feminine touch on the call, but also the strong female figure who can beat your ass if you try to hurt me or someone else.
There are some really terrible Officers out there, but they are very few and far between. I have yet to find one, and I hope I never do. So support the good Officers, because they will make the difference in this crazy world. Tell them you like them, and wave at them on the road with all five fingers. Support policies that will make them better, not ones that will punish them for something one bad apple did. Help them get the tools and training they need, which require funds. I love the idea of trainings that make Officers uncomfortable. Offer trainings on racial bias, LGBT issues, Autism, domestic violence WITHIN the law enforcement profession. Help them help you, because unfortunately there isn't a lot of it right now.
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