I dated an amputee and a rapist

My little black diary:

I know how this sounds. I dated an amputee and a rapist? Like really, how desperate am I to get reads from people. I knew you were bound to click on it just to find out how I ended up dating a rapist... However, I totally, dead serious did (without my knowledge).

As a young L.D.S. female living in Utah, I felt the pressure straight out of high school to find a husband. The community sets up steps for us youngins, because we can't possibly understand what is best for us. The steps are as follows:

1. You better not touch, glance or look at another boy/girl until you are to the rightful age of 16. 

2. Once you are 16, you better stay in a group, or you WILL get pregnant. 

3. Go to BYU. 

4. Oh you are 18 now? GET MARRIED! 

5. Now that you are married, everyone you know is going to ask you over and over and over and over again if you are pregnant yet. Don't forget, your eggs are going to shrivel up at age 20.

So there you have it kiddos... Your Utah life in a nut shell. So you can imagine my disappointment that I basically flunked high school (because I spent most my days skipping every single class I had) and had to go to the reject school, UVU. Crap, I was going to have to lower my sights to a hippy, skateboard punk who was majoring in smoking weed. Now back to this "pressure" I was feeling to get married. I didn't even feel this from my parents (who had more of a right to be crazy worried about my salvation and future life than anyone else). This "pressure" was from completely random people, who I barely knew. I dated EVERYONE. No really, I was a dating machine. A lot of them were complete douche bags, some of them turned out to be total creepers, and not to be prissy or anything, but I was out of their league in most cases.

Now, lets get down to the gnitty gritty. One of these crazy guys I had dated, had multiple red flags, which I chose to ignore. Uhhhhhh... My bad. It was fall time, when we started dating... Lets name him Ampy. He seemed nice, a University of Utah fan, but nice. Ampy had come home early from an LDS (Latter Day Saint or Mormon) mission due to "stress".

First off, he begged me to take him to Lagoon (Utah ghetto theme park) on my dads dime, and was too scared to go on ANY of the rides, not even the carousel. What a dope!

Second off, Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday (and no this is not off subject).  I really wanted to go to a haunted house with Ampy a couple months into our relationship, but Ampy absolutely refused. After asking him several times, he wrote me a long text about how he had been chased around by some random guy with a knife when he was a kid and was stabbed several times. That's it. That was his story for why he wouldn't go to a fake haunted house. I kinda called his bull crap (just a gut feeling, also, where are these stab wounds fool?) and dismissed it.

Third off (and most important), Ampy totally flashed me his junk (you know, his thunder down under). In my parents house. Right before family dinner. Hello sex offender status. YOU GUYS!  I finally broke up with this weirdo, who probably is now flashing ladies in the aisles of Target and sporting a womens trench coat.

But, it doesn't end there. Ampy texted and called me NON-STOP, to which I never replied. A couple months later, this guy texts me and to let me know he had been in a near death car accident, almost died, and they had to cut off both his legs. This was for sure a fabrication for me to feel bad, go out with him and for him to ultimately rape and kill me. I know it. Luckily I saw him at a University of Utah basketball game a couple weeks later, both legs intact.

The other guy I will speak about, kind of camouflaged his creepiness. He was actually a pretty cool guy, was also a University of Utah fan, also came home from his mission early (which brings no judgement from me) and I totally wish him the best (given that he doesn't rape anyone else). Ya he was a rapist. Lets name him Timmy. Timmy and I dated for a few months, during that time I got to know him and totally liked him. For our first date, he took me to the roof top restaurant in Salt Lake City (a 30 dollar a person dinner), then for ice cream, then bowling... He easily dropped a hundred bucks on that date. I know, I suspected he was a pimp too, but for that delicious food, I was willing to overlook his weirdness.

Fast forward a few months later, we are on our way to Las Vegas for me to meet his family. We are driving at 11 pm, in the middle of the desert, alone. Timmy, totally out of no where confesses that when he came home early from his mission he had raped an underage girl at a party and was arrested for statutory rape. Uhhhhhh... Not sure what you are supposed to say to that. I immediately realized my life was coming to an end. I was going to end up in his trunk and dumped out for the coyotes. But here I am, alive and healthy. So you can safely assume that I totally dropped that dude as fast as he entrusted his personal information with me, which I am now posting on my blog for all to see. I actually had to spend the rest of the weekend and the drive home with him.

It is safe to say, I have dated a lot of creepo sticks. But don't get me wrong, I have also dated some awesome guys who I owe a lot to, they made me a better person, and they all brought me closer to be the person I am today. Super awesome.

Eventually, after I was DONE dating and I wanted nothing to do with it, my lovely mother ignored my wishes and set me up with a strapping young man. Luckily, he didn't have a fetish with showing people his wang-time while they were off guard and he didn't even rape anyone (what a plus!). He was just a normal, awesome guy, who allots me one free haunted house visit every October (even if he hates going to them), and I am really happy with normal. Best of all, he wasn't a University of Utah fan.